Friendship is not enough to describe real friendship in the sense I would like to express it. In Turkish, there is a perfect word called ‘dostluk’. It is more than just friendship. What it comprises? Really a lot! And it is precious. So much so, that you cannot waste it to describe this situation. You would carefully choose that word for those special people. And they deserve it. Some sort of honorary appointees (OBE – Sir or Dame etc.); cases in which you earn that title 😉
My sense of friendship is something like that…It might be putting too much into it or you might say : ‘We are not in the era of chivalry’- but this is how I feel. I have always felt like that. Therefore, I have always loved mafia films 
This sense of brotherhood makes me have goose bumps. Loyalty, virtue, morality, pride and nobleness were inherent. And that was sublime!
When I talked to daddy, when I was around secondary school, about why we did not meet often with his/our circle of friends, he said everyone was busy and married and etc. We/he lived in Germany and he had some close friends there. I was curious to know what parents’ friendship was all about. Daddy would always tell me about this glorious days when he was at University (TH Darmstadt); that he would travel a lot to various countries having a lot of fun, he would drink with his friends, he would even have a cocktail named after him that was popular at the University(This you would never ever believe, as I found it hard to believe myself: around 10 years ago, I met my friend’s friend and we were talking about Germany, then Darmstadt, then about her mum that she studied at TH DA. That was getting too strange! And when I asked her if her mum knew my dad she immediatley called her and asked about my dad. She knew him!! And she told me about this cocktail!!! Woooow!! – the world is small).. My dad had so many nice stories to tell and I would always ask for more! And then, when we gathered with those friends I could feel and taste that real friendship (dostluk) and everyone was so happy – no one really wanted to depart- so I was thinking: why not frequent, why sometimes?? Because this was real…
Then dad told me that everyone was working, some were living outside the city centre, in suburbs or in surrounding towns and it was not possible to meet all the time. He added that in time it would happen like that. In time was the magic word!! But I could see in his eyes that he was one of those who really cared a lot about his friends and about those gatherings.
That was sad enough for me. I could not and did not want to understand that. I said to myself: NO. My friendships will never ever be like that. Why should we or time change it all?? Why should we allow things to get in our way?? I will NOT be like that…
This was going to be my WAR. I was going to fight for it. I swore to myself. Because what I had seen was too sad for me to accept. Even though at times I was about to lose the war, I did not give up. Many people around me did and friendships were lost. But the real ones stayed…
Surely, there were times when I saw myself being the only one who fought and some people did not put in the effort as much as I did, I still knew they cared about me. ‘Dostluk’ requires the notion: when one party lets loose or goes, the other side takes over. If it is one sided most of the time, one starts to question. I think it never should get there. Even if it does, be sure that this ‘dostluk’ can bear all and still could last a life time. Unless you want to change the course. It all depends on you. Still, one should never forget that one day, the other side may walk out quietly. If this is still not recognized or has no significance, then I guess there is nothing that cosmos can do about it 😉
My dostluk has never been a give & take. Or based on calculations. It can always be give, without take. Until you think and feel it has lost its spirit this way.
I consider myself as one of those lucky people who has real friends/ dosts. Most of them are not close to me physically, as we all live in different places but our connection is amazing. Every time I think about that, I am full of the joys of spring! And I could do anything for them and know they would feel the same. I can say that this is one of the most beautiful feelings and reality one can hang on to. If there have been some losses on our way, believe me, that relationship must not have been at the level of ‘dostluk’. That could only be some sort of ‘friendship’…
No harm in giving, for what you believe in. You are never a fool. You will soon enough realise if you want to continue this way or not.
Now, I think I know what dad means. Life is such a complicated thing and people are lost in it. But the true merit lies in appreciating what you have got and living this life your way…
Viva dostluk, viva my way!
Please listen to ‘my way’ s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egY8rUpxqcE (Frank Sinatra)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIXg9KUiy00 (Sid Vicious from Sex Pistols – my favourite!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwd7_y3kopQ (Robbie Williams)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6q4f8DzrCE ( The 3 Tenors)